Rage, Hope, & 'Falingos'

Bottoms up

I began the day with my toddler calling flamingos "falingos" and delighting in that absolute cuteness. We played outside with a bucket and poured water through a water wheel. We made mud soup.

And then I went online and saw Trump threatening to extinguish an entire people by 8pm EST. Surely this can't be real? It's real.

I put my toddler down for a nap. I don't know where to put my rage. By 5pm PST. But it's already 2pm. Is nuclear war around the corner? Is anyone going to stop him? Am I overreacting? Maybe I just need to eat, and regulate my emotions. Or maybe this rage is totally valid?

This extreme flip-flopping between love, delight, joy and absolutely crushing sense of dread has defined the last few years of new parenthood for me, and it doesn't seem to be stopping anytime soon.

How are we expected to hold optimism and a deep love for humanity, while simultaneously witnessing the pain that people in positions of power unleash on others? On families? On queer folks? On children?

A threat like that has an impact. It's destructive. It's violence. It helps no one.

I'm mad. How is this accepted? How do we go about our day, business as usual? How can we be warm, nurturing parents, while also knowing people can be so full of hatred?

I carry this rage with me. The rage that I will never have enough influence or power to stop this mess. I feel rage that this is how the world 'works.'

I have gone through periods of sharing my thoughts on social media, and shouting from virtual rooftops. Did it do anything? Probably not. But the one thing it did do was connect me with a community of other people who were also balancing this rage/hope feeling. Through the swamp of social media misinformation we have found each other, and it's been a blessing. Many of these people are queer. Most of these people are parents. Each of us in our homes, nurturing new, precious life, and/or fighting for the life we dreamed of.

We do what we can. We infuse our lives with joy and whimsy. We try to live in alignment with our ethics: we cancel our Amazon account. We don't buy Starbucks. We shop thoughtfully. We make calls. We donate. We support fundraisers. We show up, when nap schedules allow.

For me, living in alignment with my ethics also means leaving immersive media - for how can I create impact-driven work in an industry owned and operated by tech monopolies funding war crimes?

I had an old friend with good intentions recently say "I hope you're staying off the news, the news cycle is not healthy." I understand where she's coming from. I get it. It's wildly depressing. But at the same time, what we are seeing is really happening. Is it healthy to ignore decisions being made by individuals in power? Pretend it's not happening?

Is it better to keep your head in the sand? What is better for our collective future?

I look up some images of Flamingos for this post. Flamingos to me have always been a 'fun' animal - kitschy lawn ornaments, a symbol of frivolity, an animal on summer BBQ napkins.

It strikes me that in many photos, Flamingos have their head under water. What's going on there? Unlike the ostrich, whose legendary head is hidden in fear, the Flamingo is actually a predator, hunting for fish. It's all a part of their process,

the 'Stomp Dance'

Flamingos feed by dragging their flattened beaks forward along the bottom of shallow lakes. To increase the efficiency of feeding, they stomp dance to churn the bottom, create an upwelling vortex with their heads and clap their beaks constantly to draw food, like brine shrimp, into their mouths. (article below)

These fabulous, pink birds are literally stirring the pot.

Today I will hold both my rage and my hope. My head is underwater, but I am not drowning. I am filtering out the bad, and taking what fuels me. I am stirring up tiny tornadoes. I am stomp dancing.

I refuse silently accept this language of annihilation. Iranian people deserve better. All people deserve better.

Now I will go join my toddler, who has just awoken from their nap, and I will make mud soup. And I will continue to fight for our collective future.

-Paisley

PS. Please join my community of Paisley's Playroomies. I swear it's mostly fun here!