The Milk that Flew to the Moon🌙
[CW: talking about chest/breast feeding]
In an attempt to get my few remaining brain cells back, our family has decided it's time to close our breastfeeding chapter. Sob!
I'm just sharing a few things that are helping us as we say bye-bye and I, human mother, grapple with my bAbYYy grOOwing UppPP so FAST!
Our breastfeeding journey has been so very sweet, whole hardheartedly hilarious, truly chaotic, deeply exhausting, and at the end of the day... pretty fun!
TBH, breastfeeding has kind of blown my mind!
From the stupidly obvious fact (embarrassingly new-to-me) that milk comes out of MULTIPLE PLACES on a nipple- like a showerhead! To the fact that babies can get custom nutrition based on the time of day/ their specific dietary needs?! It's kind of shocking how long you can not know what your own body is capable of! (thank you, radicalizing baby classes at the Childbearing Society!!!)
From cute coos + scritch scratches on my back while drinking, to the chomping phase, to learning to deal with overproduction and milk flying literally EVERYWHERE – this journey has been full ON!
At our house, breastmilk is called Dudu, a Punjab-lish word adapted from "dudh/ Doodh" meaning Milk in Punjabi. It's what my siblings and I all called it growing up!
The idea of stopping 'dudu' is bringing up a loOot of feelings for both of us!
One of Mimi's favourite things is "Dudu and a Book" - it's where we read a story and he gets all snuggly and comfy and has some milk.
I think finding ways to keep the coziness and reading, but hide the dudu, is our general approach to this process.
Lemons
My mom keeps telling me to just put lemon on my nipples and get it over with. She thinks I should 'get back to work' (I've been trying!!)
In fact, every time I have breastfed Mimi near her over the last few months, she just looks at me and says "Lemons."
Hearing the word 'Lemons' actually makes me full of rage, even I know her motivation for sharing this advice is out of genuine concern for my well-being.
She says she did the lemons on the nipple technique with my brother (who was three at the time) and it just worked and he never went back to wanting milk. Somehow I think the sands of time have made her forget how that story actually went. There is no way it was that easy, especially when your chatty, adorable toddler is milk obsessed! And is a pretty good negotiator!
Also, she's forgetting that she's also a wildly sentimental person who is not good at change!
This is the same woman, who as her own mother lay dying at Vancouver General Hospital, felt called to suddenly ask her if she had been breastfed! Suddenly it felt so extremely important to know this information. Her mother (even in her state) answered a definitive YES, in a tone that suggested this was obvious information!!
Rituals for Breastfeeding
I reached out to a friend who is a death doula and former birth-worker. She lent us a stack of picture books about the process of stopping breastfeeding.
Our favourite out of the bunch is "Booby Moon" mainly because Mimi is obsessed with the moon! It also captures the heartache of ending something so special
[Side note: A pet peeve of mine is the word 'booby.' It makes me CRINGE. Naturally this book is called 'Dudu Moon' in our household! The language in the book is pretty flexible, so you can replace the word with whatever works for you.]
Booby Moon is also the only story that includes a ritual, which to me feels necessary we stop having this special time together:
The kid and mom know on the evening of the kid's birthday, they will have their last dudu and send the milk to the moon in a balloon!
The gist of the story is that milk is sent back to the moon, so that other babies who are born can get milk.
Then when you are missing dudu milk, you can wave at the moon, and know it's out there helping other kids.
It's a simple enough concept, and honestly makes ME feel a bit better about stopping this breastfeeding journey too.
We started reading it the other night, and Mimi's already been talking about the dudu moon, and how he will miss dudu when it goes to the moon...
Actually, nah, forget it, we aren't stopping.
JUST KIDDING. Nicole also recommended a few other things:
- Writing a letter to your child (for them to read as an adult) about what this breastfeeding journey meant for you as a parent.
- Write a journey to yourself, about what this journey has meant to you and be really honest about your grief and how special the time has been.
- Getting a piece of jewellery made with your breast milk. She recommended getting something made for yourself, and also for you kid (which you could give them with the letter).
Milk Jewels
I found this Jeweller local to us in Vancouver where I can actually just drop off the milk directly:
Because Caitlin and I both breastfed Mimi I'm thinking of getting something made for both of us, or a necklace with both of our milk on it. (If you're curious, we used this book as a practical guide to Queer nursing!) I'll probably do another post one day about what co-nursing was like!
But because I am me, and obviously I need another hobby, I may just follow these Reddit instructions and DIY our milk jewels!
I've been wanting to learn Silver clay so it could be a cool reason to take these by Oh Okay in Vancouver! I really like the funkiness and organic vibe of the silverclay, and it feels much more organic and handmade.
A peek into the future
I was feeding Mimi the other day outside of a cafe near our house, when I was approached by an older woman. She looked at me so nostalgically and said "I still miss it." (She also said she breastfed until her kid was 5! Dang!)
I still miss it. and it's still happening!
Hopefully by the end of this week, we'll be waving at the dudu on the moon! Here goes nuthin!
XO
Paisley
